Good Things Take Time,
the hardest things in life seem to take forever;
regardless of how hard I try to speed this recovery up, it doesn't work;
no matter how resilient I am - nor persistent, nor clever -
This recovery is like no other - healing my state of mind,
learning to manage my anxiety, accept depression, and to myself, be kind;
Nearly 29 years of managing anxiety, I coped and got by;
but one night I cracked, and felt it was time for me to say goodbye -
Months later I wrote this poem, after digging into past trauma and sitting with fear,
I have written dozens of poems looking inwards to discover...
Feelings and emotions I was unaware of, that had been waiting to be uncovered.
Good Things Take Time.
But it's important to recognize process along the way,
So acknowledging that I can identify my feelings - and discuss past traumas - shows progress today;
It's scary to realize I'll never go back to how I was,
I sometimes still feel hopeless about my futures which saddens me because...
I am grateful for my life again;
I feel joy and happiness, can smile with a friend;
I can truly connect with and enjoy with my dog;
and I feel the storm has lifted, and I can now see through the fog;
So why do I feel hopeless? Why do I still fear I won't function in society?
I truly don't know how I'll be able to live and work with this anxiety...
So what is next for me? How do I get to my next step?
What do I need to set myself up for success? to prep?
I have the motivation -
I want to be back in the arena. I want to succeed;
and I have worked hard to try and heal,
to find answers, and get the help I need;
But I still have frequent triggers, my heart often pounds when starting simple tasks I need to begin,
and I realize even with all this work and progress - I don't always feel confident that I'll win;
I don't know what to do,
how to handle this next step -
what more can I do to adapt to life with anxiety and depression as an internal negative rep?
One day at a time doesn't work when you need a plan,
so hopefully I'll figure out next steps as soon as I can;
but Good Things Take Time - and I look back and I've made lots of progress,
with one foot in front of the other, therapy, medicine, mindfulness, and difficult emotions confessed;
I have gotten here slowly but surely and will continue towards growth;
keep myself safe, seek help when needed, and keep that as my oath;
They take time.
Lots of time.
So I'll continue living life, therapy, medications, eating Nutella, and writing rhymes;
and maybe one day I'll look back having forgotten what life was like when it wasn't fine.