Good Things Take Time

Good Things Take Time,

the hardest things in life seem to take forever;

regardless of how hard I try to speed this recovery up, it doesn't work;

no matter how resilient I am - nor persistent, nor clever -

This recovery is like no other - healing my state of mind,

learning to manage my anxiety, accept depression, and to myself, be kind;

Nearly 29 years of managing anxiety, I coped and got by;

but one night I cracked, and felt it was time for me to say goodbye -

Months later I wrote this poem, after digging into past trauma and sitting with fear,

I have written dozens of poems looking inwards to discover...

Feelings and emotions I was unaware of, that had been waiting to be uncovered.

Good Things Take Time.

But it's important to recognize process along the way,

So acknowledging that I can identify my feelings - and discuss past traumas - shows progress today;

It's scary to realize I'll never go back to how I was,

I sometimes still feel hopeless about my futures which saddens me because...

I am grateful for my life again;

I feel joy and happiness, can smile with a friend;

I can truly connect with and enjoy with my dog;

and I feel the storm has lifted, and I can now see through the fog;

So why do I feel hopeless? Why do I still fear I won't function in society?

I truly don't know how I'll be able to live and work with this anxiety...

So what is next for me? How do I get to my next step?

What do I need to set myself up for success? to prep?

I have the motivation -

I want to be back in the arena. I want to succeed;

and I have worked hard to try and heal,

to find answers, and get the help I need;

But I still have frequent triggers, my heart often pounds when starting simple tasks I need to begin,

and I realize even with all this work and progress - I don't always feel confident that I'll win;

I don't know what to do,

how to handle this next step -

what more can I do to adapt to life with anxiety and depression as an internal negative rep?

One day at a time doesn't work when you need a plan,

so hopefully I'll figure out next steps as soon as I can;

but Good Things Take Time - and I look back and I've made lots of progress,

with one foot in front of the other, therapy, medicine, mindfulness, and difficult emotions confessed;

I have gotten here slowly but surely and will continue towards growth;

keep myself safe, seek help when needed, and keep that as my oath;

They take time.

Lots of time.

So I'll continue living life, therapy, medications, eating Nutella, and writing rhymes;

and maybe one day I'll look back having forgotten what life was like when it wasn't fine.

XOJEF